I get a bit anxious when Politifact’s Bill Adair gives his Obameter report on CNN. The Obameter assesses whether or not the President has kept his campaign promises. I’m anxious because, frankly, I don’t want to hear that such a nice guy as Barack Obama might not be delivering. His niceness persuades me that he must be effective.
Niceness is seductive in that way. We transfer other attributes – honesty, sincerity, sometimes intelligence – to nice folks. In most cases, that’s okay. Still, I’m uneasy around niceness.
I’m uneasy not because I’m not nice – heck, I was voted “Best-Natured Boy” of my graduating class! – or because I don’t enjoy being around nice people (I do). I’m uneasy because my business is human behavior, and experience tells me that truly nice guys sometimes finish last but seemingly nice guys stay on top for too long. And during their reigns, people can be duped and divided, personality can rule over results, and the damage to an organization too often can be irreversible.
Here are two examples of “nice” folks who come to mind.
Your new boss, Tom, arrives with credentials and fanfare. He’s handsome, well-manicured, and he grins a lot. He has heard good things about the staff, he tells all of you, but quickly adds that you need now to get on-board his Big Ride to Change.
Teamwork is priority number one, Tom notes, but before long, there is an inner team and an “others” team. He shows a caring interest in each staff member, but somehow conversations about you morph into a monologue about him.
You like Tom – who doesn’t? – but, still, you’re somewhat uncomfortable. Why is that? You can’t quite pin it down (yet).
Susan is a good person, never gets cross, and always has a kind word for everyone. Over 20 years of sacrificial service to the organization, she has migrated from an associate position to the director of human resources.Keeping the department on a steady course is essential to her. She starts every meeting with an up-with-people quotation to “focus everyone on what’s really important.”
When tension flare, she asks why we can’t all just get along. She deflects criticism of the department as well as stretch-ideas with what some call “Susanisms:” “Remember, we’re farmers in HR, not hunters.”
Susan is an untouchable because she’s likable, and because senior management permits her longevity to excuse ineffectiveness.You’re puzzled. You think to yourself, niceness is suffocating results.
Aren’t these just two harmless people found in any organization? Isn’t to be nice to be also harmless? Yes, maybe. Well, not really. Here’s why we should be concerned about the nice-like.
1 Too much of your valuable time is wasted.
Who can say no to staying late and working weekends when the boss is such a swell, hard-working (yet inefficient) person like Tom? Because he knows his staff likes him, he can get them (and you) to give up personal time for The Cause. But, do your spouse, children, and friends agree with the trade-off?
Susan’s business-as-usual style eats up time in another way. Simply stated, you have to put your career on hold. There are no rewards for extra effort. You consistently receive a “meets expectations” on performance reviews and an inflation-plus raise. Your stay-busy resume is unimpressive.
If this doesn’t worry you because you prefer security to ambition, it will when there are departmental cutbacks and you’re looking for a new position.
2 Too much attention is paid to personality, too little to productivity.
Nice-like people want what’s predictable and controllable and avoid the uncomfortable. Ideas that do not dovetail with a state of well-being are not encouraged or supported. Their niceness relies on group cooperation and consensus, not individual achievement.
Watch in a meeting led by a nice-like personality when you raise an objection or suggest an alternative path. The individual looks not at you with the response but scans the group with a half-smile to recruit support for the comment, “I don’t think we all agree with that, do we? Maybe we should take that one off-line.”
3 Too many people become “Get Alongs.”
The staff want to please their nice-like boss by showing that they’re easy to get along with. Initially, Tom’s Get-Alongs work fast on assigned tasks to win approval, and then, after Tom’s incessant, unnecessary changes, work diligently on subsequent versions because Tom affirms their skill and makes them believe that they can get even better.
Susan’s Get Alongs don’t have to work up a sweat. They keep up a steady pace to accomplish what is expected — but only what is expected. Schmooze time is frequent. Everyone is happy; everyone is nice to each other, at least on the surface. Everyone gets along.
And you? You’re the guilty one because you have career aspirations, a work ethic that encourages productivity rather than personalities, and a growing sense that you are seen as a contrarian because you want to be a driver in moving the department, the organization, and yourself forward.
Assume that Susan is too insulated to leave or be let go, and that Tom is likely to be gone in less than a year when his good intentions don’t reconcile with results. What can you do to minimize post-Tom damage cleanup and entrenched Susanism?
- Identify at least one Tom idea that you believe in, can champion, and make successful. Discover one watershed event in Susan’s background that you can replicate, win her approval for, and generate some momentum in the department.
- Let your work not your words be intimidating. Work harder/smarter; talk less.
- Before starting a project, write the result as it might appear on your resume as well as what you did to achieve it.
- Stay authentic, avoid false hoorays, and trudge through the humdrum.
- Be nice.
Richard Skaare 04.28.09
Cartoon: Copyright 1998 Randy Glasbergen, by permission
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
On the flip side, I was consistently amazed (i.e. shocked/disappointed/incredulous) how many of the people in a position of influence in the workplaces that I tried to work with, were power crazed and nasty little buggers. It seemed that being nice was a hindrance that made them suspicious of any attempt to perform rationally with a progressive mindset or program. Fortunately, I encountered some of those toward the top who had the same vision as I, but the ones cowering behind their own fears made it fairly miserable for those of us who came into the organization with good skills, good communications skills and experience that would benefit the whole, while they defended their personal cliques and cut down anyone with an idea that they didn’t originate. Give me a few of those nice co-workers any day. It made me less traumatized and more effective.
But I’m trying to be “nice.”
I’ve had similar experiences to JoAnn. Also I’ve been in many environments where people equate nastiness with effectiveness. It’s not true that the two equate, just as it’s not true that niceness equals effectiveness. Sigh–if only I could find a workplace where people were nice AND effective. Now, that would be a good place to work.
I had to work with a Susan once, except she was the CFO, and the CEO’s daughter. Never said a discouraging word. Never accepted the reality that changes needed to be made. I experienced those meeting staredowns if I brought up an issue that could impact the status quo. When the business started going downhill, everyone who wasn’t a family member was “regrettably” let go. And she still wants to be my friend. Love is blind-ignorance is blinder.”
When pleasantry and competence converge, the result is wonderful.
But when they diverge, as they did in a recent conversation with customer service at a cell phone company, it’s a nightmare.
The rep was onto a “happy talk” kick that wouldn’t end. She didn’t fix my problem, but insisted she offered a solution. Moreover, she launched into a line of bull that was 100% inaccurate, saying I can’t get a signal because my house is too old. It was built in 2006!
“If you can’t give honey, at least TALK honey” is an old customer care slogan, but don’t drench us in the stuff!
Dr. Gary S. Goodman
President, Customersatisfaction.com
Best Selling Author, MONITORING, MEASURING & MANAGING CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’ve heard my sister complain of similar scenarios to JoAnn and Mona. I’d settle for just plain “real”. But, I don’t have to work in corporate. My office is in my home. From time to time, my husband works in my space as well. But he’s both real and nice – so it works. Richard, I suspect as more companies are forced to downsize, “nice” is being squeezed out of the equation.
URG – unfortunately I can relate to all scenarios. I’ve had the *nice* boss and what was scary about her was that she deceived you with her kindness; she always knows what to say to deflect the issue at hand and what to say to get you to leave her office and think everything will be peaches and cream. And despite the fact that you know she is like this, somehow you always get fooled. I lost my job because I stopped being fooled. “Nice” won out……not to say that I’m not nice
As some of the others mentioned above, there are also people I’ve noticed who aren’t so nice but rather incompetent and rude, yet still manage to win everyone’s approval. How is this even possible? Doesn’t anyone see past their evil schemes?
Both scenarios scare me because there is no winning over these personalities – they’re the “popular” ones or they are “senior,” or whatever. How do you accomplish your job/duties with this perpetual sense of high school-ness floating around?
In a perfect world, the world would be perfect.
I’m no good at nice. Thanks for validating me. (Was that a nice thing to say?)
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