Learning from the Mistakes Others Won’t Forget

by Richard Skaare on May 27, 2009

3011490607_68aa278043_mhookerAptly or sadly, Louis Caldera’s name is likely to appear on Jeopardy some day. Answer: “Responsible for Air Force One photo-op fiasco.”

As you remember, on April 27, a clone of the president’s Air Force One flew low over New York City, accompanied by F-16 fighters, to let military photographers capture images of the plane against the backdrop of the city and harbor. Flashbacks of 9/11 alarmed city dwellers and workers, which led to a political outcry.

Caldera, director of the White House Military Office and an accomplished and seemingly decent fellow, resigned on May 8 when so many fingers were pointing in so many directions that apparently no culprit could be identified. Despite the F.A.A.’s statement that “the photo op was approved and coordinated with everyone,” everyone had an alibi. So, Caldera took the hit.

While most people scramble for cover when blame seeks a source, taking responsibility for mistakes does have a certain respectability these days. Admission of guilt, or at least acceptance of the fact that, ultimately, you are accountable for an error under your charge, separates leaders from lemmings.

In fact, learning from mistakes is in vogue in most organizations. Executives are quoted in the media espousing mistake-making as natural and integral to leadership maturation. It is better to try and fail than to fail to try goes the cliché. Make a mistake, take the heat, analyze the erroneous path, clean yourself off, and move forward smarter and bolder. Forgiven and forgotten.

Well, not quite forgotten. That’s one of the lessons to learn: mistakes are remembered. If you can understand the mechanics of your mistake and learn to be especially cautious, you are manager material. However, if you can unravel the social dynamics resulting from your mistake, you will be well on your way to becoming a leader.

One of those social dynamics is that people – most people? some people? – take a measure of vicarious interest in the mistakes of others. Mistakes are like bad news: uncomfortable but titillating, anxiety-provoking, and remembered. While many colleagues will be sympathetic and empathetic (“We all make mistakes”) during your ordeal, and some will laugh it off with you over a beer, while still others won’t say anything (just think it), few will forget it and some will use it against you.

Who are those abusers and why?

  • The scowler who flat-out does not like you. That’s difficult to accept because you consider yourself reasonably likable and you’ve done nothing to cause his distaste of you — or so you think. Still, your philosophy or style or whatever doesn’t sit well with him. Your mistake confirms what he already believed about you: loser.
  • The competitive colleague who gains by your loss. By resurrecting your error periodically and subtly, she erodes your credibility and possible advancement. She gains by your pain.
  • The narcissistic boss who can now manipulate you because you are damaged goods. Deviate from his path and you will be reminded of your past deviance.

How do you combat those detractors? Much more important, what lessons can you extrapolate and apply from the mistake that will help expunge the bad memory?

I have some suggestions.

  1. A mistake can be compounded if you overreact or counteract. Joking about it regularly or beating up on yourself from time to time will keep the mistake visible. And going after those who remind everyone of your weak moment will confirm your weakness.
  2. A mistake is a mistake, not an indictment of your abilities, your intelligence, your personality, your upbringing, or whatever other excuse you might employ to catastrophize the situation.
  3. A mistake is painful mostly because of embarrassment, which is only an emotion that vaporizes quickly into a fog and makes it difficult to see reality clearly. You will think and see better once the fog lifts.
  4. A mistake is rarely made in isolation. Lack of information, misinterpretation, unexpected resistance – these and other factors and people can coalesce and cause you to make a hasty judgment, an erratic decision, or a wild guess – in other words, a mistake.
  5. A mistake that you made is your mistake. Make sure you have a good ethical compass handy to prevent you from blaming, weasel-wording, lying, minimizing, suggesting, or gossiping and to keep you away from arrogance, anger, ennui, pride, or impulsiveness — all of which can trigger more serious mistakes.

Richard Skaare 05.27.09
Photo credit: swanksalot

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